When I woke up today, the first thought in my head was me interacting with a (imaginary) children’s show tv audience full of kids.

Me: “Papa Paul’s not feelin’ so good, kids….”

Kids (in unison): “Why, Papa Paul?”

Me: “Papa Paul got super fucked up last night.”

And when I woke up and got up and went to take my morning piss, I lifted up the toilet lid and there was some toilet paper and smack dab in the middle a bloody tampon. I decided not to do my necessary morning piss and walked out of the bathroom. “I don’t know why there’s a bloody tampon in the toilet,” to my roommate, “and I don’t want to know why there’s a bloody tampon in the toilet.”