This Is A Comedy Blog Written By Paul Frank.
Updated every day with things I think up.
Check out my column or e-mail me.
Things I Regret Doing For A Klondike Bar
- Murdering that hobo (I mean, honestly, the Klondike bar he had was probably the only food he would’ve had in days)
- Carjacking a Klondike Bar semi truck, murdering the driver (what is it with me and murder?!!!!)
Things That Are Funny To Me Right Now
- Divorcing someone because they used a really cheesy pun
- Giving people handjobs for a bite of their Big Mac
- Choking little children until they’re almost dead, then letting go and being like “just kidding”
- Midgets clapping
http://www.tmz.com/2008/08/22/woman-calls-shaq-a-heavy-and-a-heavy-breather/
Introducing:
Introducing the Gilbert Gottfried Alarm Clock.
For only $23.65, Gilbert Gottfried himself will come to your house everyday for whenever you set the Gilbert Gottfried alarm. And he’ll start talking. Just start talking in his voice. His obnoxious, loud voice. He’ll complain about stuff, he’ll make jokes, or maybe he’ll just read through the Bible. Either way, you can’t turn him off. There’s no Snooze button on Gilbert Gottfried. And if you can sleep through the sound of Gilbert Gottfried talking, you’re either Gilbert Gottfried’s wife or you’re dead.
The Everyday Olympics: Because We're All Heroes Just Kidding Not Really™
Hey America! You’re better than that FUCK Michael Phelps! Who the DICK does that FUCK think he is? I could win 12 Olympic gold medals if my name was Michael! So fuck that noise.
Introducing………The Everyday Olympics™! Giving medals to stupid prick schmucks..like YOU! Just for doing the gay shit you do everyday!
I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ve been seeing a therapist like you told me to, to help deal with my hate and anger issues, but it hasn’t been helping.
I love you, buddy. Remember Easter 4 years ago?
Official Everyday Olympics events include:
- Small Talk, Nervous Laughter, Awkward Eye Contact
- Who Can Get Their Mail The Most Normal
- Most Cell Phone Commercials Watched
- Breathing (Oxygen)
- Making Observations About Airlines, New Airline Security, How Fucking Bullshit Flying Is These Days, etc.
- Masturbating To Infomercials
- Ignoring Homeless People
- Trying To Pretend You Want Kids So That You Can Have Sex With Your Wife
- Fencing